Tuesday, May 24, 2016

I do, no maybe I don't.

Hello. I made a few notes while I was relaxing with a mug of coffee this morning. Another 'Ten good reasons'. I'm off to the Scrapstore this morning with three crafty pals, and this afternoon I am helping my friend deliver her parish newsletters, so that's my walking sorted for today.

Ten good reasons why I have never married.

1. I have never found anyone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I thought I did when I was younger, but as time went on I realized that this wasn't the person.

2. I was always too busy to invest time and effort into a relationship. Work always came first and relationships had to fit in with that. They often fizzled out because either them or me lost interest. Life moves on.

3. I never wanted children. I couldn't see myself doing the wife and mother thing. When I was younger people always asked me when I was going to settle down. What! The thought horrified me. When I was sterilized at 37 the doctor asked me about bringing the next generation into the world. I said, 'there are already enough people doing that.'

4. I saw relationships all around me crumble, family and friends. I decided that the only way to prevent this happening to me was to not get too deeply involved with someone. On the occasions when I did get involved it all ended in tears. I have a self preservation mechanism, when something is not working, I get out.

5. The men I were attracted to, weren't attracted to me, and vice versa. I can't force myself to love someone, and neither would I expect someone to love me if they didn't. I spent a lot of time trying out lots of different models, wondering if this was 'the one'. If love is one sided it doesn't work.

6. I see marriage as a contract which legally ties two people together. If I want to stay with someone I will, I don't need a piece of paper.

7. I believe that when a marriage starts going downhill, there is only one way for it to go, it will end sooner or later. I prefer to move forward rather than dwell on the past. Everyone makes mistakes, when something is not working, best to cull it. My parents marriage should have ended a lot sooner than it did. Life is too short to put up with anything which isn't working.

8. In my opinion, both partners in a marriage are equal and should share the tasks of running a home and family. Both should have equal opportunities to have a life outside of the marriage, able to work, socialize with friends and family, travel alone. Both should share child minding. These things should be discussed before the marriage contract is signed.

9. I can't be what someone else expects me to be, nor do I expect someone to alter their life for me. We are who we are. Yes, I know some compromises have to be made for a marriage to work, all well and good if both parties agree to the compromises. But when two immovable objects push against each other, neither willing to back down, that's when ugliness sets in. Forgive and forget? No. I can't forget if someone is horrible to me.

10. Where does love come in all of this? Does my heart rule my head or the other way round? I have loved, and been loved, I had a proposal which I turned down, it wasn't the right time or the right person. My heart has been in love, but my head has said, no way.

There is a lot more I could add, my list was longer, but I need to get on. There will be lots of differences of opinion on this topic. I am at one end of the scale having never married, those who have had a lifetime partner are at the other end, there is a big grey area in between. Everyone's view on what a marriage should be will vary, depending on their upbringing, home life or lack of it, the era they grew up in, and their culture. There is no 'one size fits all'. This is my blog, I write as I see it. Comments are welcome as usual and are moderated.

Thanks for popping in. We'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

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